I find myself in a pretty somber mood tonight. Nothing really wrong. Nothing really right. Miller left for gunnery yesterday and will be gone for a few weeks. It's highly unlikely that is what could be bothering me. I have been thinking about alot of things recently. Like love and life and all that goes with it. I love my life but I am not certin that it is what I was ment to be. My kids are the best and my husband is amazing. I just know that I am also ok when they aren't here. A little too ok, I think. I know that should something happen between Miller and me, I would never marry again. I know lots of people say this but I just don't see the point nor do I have the desire or need to share my life with others. (strange because I am writing a blog) What I mean is, I don't feel the need to love someone or be loved. I would be ok without it. I secretly yern to be without it. Maybe it is selfish or strange and I am probably on the verge of so phsyco breakdown but it really how I feel. Maybe that is the reason behind this spiritual quest I am on. Either someone is going to get hurt. I just know it. So I sit silently never daring to tell him how I feel. I do love him. Maybe not the way he deserves.
