Day 6: What a Strange Mood I Seem to Be In

I find myself in a pretty somber mood tonight. Nothing really wrong. Nothing really right. Miller left for gunnery yesterday and will be gone for a few weeks. It's highly unlikely that is what could be bothering me. I have been thinking about alot of things recently. Like love and life and all that goes with it. I love my life but I am not certin that it is what I was ment to be. My kids are the best and my husband is amazing. I just know that I am also ok when they aren't here. A little too ok, I think. I know that should something happen between Miller and me, I would never marry again. I know lots of people say this but I just don't see the point nor do I have the desire or need to share my life with others. (strange because I am writing a blog) What I mean is, I don't feel the need to love someone or be loved. I would be ok without it. I secretly yern to be without it. Maybe it is selfish or strange and I am probably on the verge of so phsyco breakdown but it really how I feel. Maybe that is the reason behind this spiritual quest I am on. Either someone is going to get hurt. I just know it. So I sit silently never daring to tell him how I feel. I do love him. Maybe not the way he deserves.

Day 5: Rainy Days

Day 4: Comfort, originally uploaded by princesses in pictures.

Today was full of a refreshing and welcomed rain. Sophie and I decided to make a trip out to the grocery where we were sure to find many puddles and many places to break in our new rain boots. We were not disappointed. A few hops, skips, and jumps, and we were soaked before we even made it to the corner store. I'm not sure why I even bothered to bring the umbrella. Most likely out of habit because it certainly was nothing but a waste of space today. Although our outdoor adventure was full of fun, when we got back home we both new it was time to relax. Out of our wet clothes and into some comfy jammies and even more comfy socks. We grabbed our books and spent the rest of the day reading. Me lost in a world of vampires and warewolves (yes... I am team Edward lol) and Sophie completely engulfed in Olivia, Angelina, and various other story friends she has seemed to make. I love lazy, rainy days

Day 4: Sophie and Her Daddy

Day 4: Sophie and Her Daddy, originally uploaded by princesses in pictures.

My husband is leaving in the morning and going to be gone for 3 weeks!! Me the kids, the dog, the cat, and Korea all to ourselves... whatever will we do? I have never been worried about him leaving. (sometimes I even look forward to it) This time I am just a little apprenhensive about it. I can only figure it is because there are so many things that can go wrong that I have no clue how to take care of yet. I don't know how to go to the doctor yet, or what if I have to go to the grocery store? I have to drag them all out then look for a cab and then grag it all up the stairs, all the while, the kids are screaming, fighting, and just plain grumpy... AHHH life is grand.

Day 3: FAN DEATH!!!

I know that I love, love, love warm weather. But what the hell was I thinking?! The name of my photo today is "My Most Prized Possession". I promise it fits. So, with my fan blowing on high speed, I thought I would tell you about fan death. Fan death is pretty funny to me. All cultures have silly superstitions, even Americans. Don't walk under a ladder, don't open the umbrella in the house, blah, blah, blah. You get the point. In Korea, if you sleep with your fan on you will DIE!! (That's how thay say it, too) It's true. Ask any Korean. The fans that are manufactured and sold here are even made with a timer so that if you should happen to doze off, it will inadvertently save your life by turning itself off. How sweet, huh? You may think that this is just a light hearted superstition, but I can assure you that it is taken very seriously here. Google it if you don't belive me. When my local friend warned me about it, she said this like my electric fan was some kind of phsyco that was gonna turn on me at any moment if I did not take the proper precautions. I politely thanked her for the advice and I assured her that I thought I could hold my own should my fan decide to turn against me. I LOVE KOREA!!!!

Day 2: Not a Way to Start the Day

It isn't even 7AM yet at it looks as if the day is going to be a waste. I realize that guilt by association just happens, but I also thought that the drama around it would end after highschool graduation. I just find myself put into a position where I am always defending myself and the actions of others. (even when I don't agree with their actions) I am not a mean person. I don't talk about others in a demeaning mannor. I don't judge or criticize or demand anything from anyone else. I am angry and emabrrassed at what has happened this morning and can blame no one but myself because of the company I keep. I don't keep this company because I want too. We work together. I enjoy talking and laughing with her but she is young and impatient. She is human and hasn't quiet learned the art of "if you have nothing nice to say, then don't say it at all". Inside I am screaming, "What the hell are you thinking!!!! You should not be teaching these kids!!!" On the outside I just smile and nod my head. I ,too, am part of the group of moms that tell myself that the kids came very late in the year and it will only be a few months before they are back into a real school. But I am also one of the only two that go there everyday so that I KONW what my kids are doing. UUUUGGGGGG!!!! I just want to go back to bed!!!!

Day 1 Welcome to My World (enjoy the ride)

When we moved to Korea I knew that things would change. I am learning a new culture, religion, and a new way of life. The things and most of the peole I know and love are thousands of miles away. But... I will not be upset!! I am going to make this the bigest adventure EVER! The purpose of the blog is because I have decided to rearrange my brain and throw away the negitivity in my life. I have started to study Buddhism and find it to be a very understanding way of life. Very easy to apply in daily activity. I want to document that change so that a year from now I will be able to say... Look at me now. I am really proud of myself.